(Remember: Few of the texts under the blog are proofread. Unlike, for example, my novels where they are all proofread by someone who is a professional.)
Many relationships ends because someone in the relationship wants it one way but is not prepared to create where it stands. We humans live more and more like that. We want, but we are not prepared to put in the work and time required to achieve it. The sometimes decades it takes for two people to really start living in symbiosis with each other, to start knowing each other, to understand each other even in silence, to continue to be curious about each other, is time you can't bear to waste. We want it to work from day one or at least after a few months. If not, well, so be it. Then it wasn't meant to be, we claim.
We want fit bodies, but the years of dedication it entails, the years of changing daily routines, of regular repetition, we are not prepared to put in. We want it now. In a week? Yes absolutely! Let's do it! In six months? Hmm... well, but it might work. In five years? But come on, five years?!? Five years! No no no, five years, are you crazy, Daniel?!?
We want more freedom in our lives, but the years it takes to create that life, everything we have to give up to get that life, we can't bear to sacrifice. We want to have, we don't want to do to get. And if we do, we don't want it to take a lot of time. I have calculated that what I am building, based on my symbols and books, will take close to twenty years for me and my family to start reaping the benefits. Twenty years of enormous work and complete dedication, dear readers. Twenty years, which means hundreds more nights of worry and doubt. But I know that's the way it should be. Who knows, maybe it will "only" take me ten years. (And building this is still nothing compared to the time I spent being a loving and present father and husband.)
We want and we are attracted. So many are looking away. They give up what they have for the grass on the other side of the fence. They want what they think is a complete package, something that works better from day one. And when they are there, they will be happy, because they belong there, they tell themselves.
What they forget is that where they belong is not in someone else's arms, home or life. It is in themselves. If they look away because they think someone else will make them happy, they will remain unhappy. When the pink clouds begin to crack after a few months, they will realize that they have deceived themselves. Because the responsibility for their happiness rests with them. If, despite living with someone who really loves them, they can't change their situation, can't create a strategy, a goal, which they stick to for years, what says they will succeed with someone else ?
We want to have, we don't want to do to get. And if we do, we don't want it to take a lot of time.
The perfect person for us is ourselves when we feel good inside, when we are safe and grounded. When we get there, we can fully give of our true selves to someone else. But until that day, we need to work to achieve that level of security and stillness within us. To make that journey with someone who wants to make the journey themselves, who wants to help us achieve everything we desire to be, is a rare gift. But it is a gift you can give yourself. How? Through a target image of what you want and through a strategy for how to achieve it. For example: If you want to live in a relationship where spiritual communication is an obvious ingredient in everyday life, you yourself must learn to speak from the depths of who you are. You cannot demand that the other should just because you yourself want to. But if the other person loves you, and wants to, then you can help them.
But be careful, making that journey with someone who thinks they are done with their personal development when they are twenty, thirty, forty or fifty years old will sooner or later lead to a dead end. An end. I have seen many of these in recent years. All quite hard.
Are they with others because they are afraid of being alone?
So the first questions should be: Do I love the person I live with? Does it love me? If the answer is yes, you have a fantastic foundation to stand on to be able to build something very beautiful together. Easy? No, my God. But when the dark clouds, after perhaps many years that still contain thousands of beautiful moments, begin to completely disappear, you will have something that is worth more than anything. You will have a spiritual home together with someone else. Few, very few, have such a home. And the reason they don't have, I think, is that they want to have, but they can't manage to create. They want.
Some actually don't even know what they want. I can sometimes ask myself this about such people: Are they with others because they are afraid of being alone? Are they with others so that others will make them happy? I think sometimes it can be like that.
At the same time, and for the sake of order, it is also the case that, figuratively speaking, if you live with someone who wants to go north, who does everything to get to the north and you yourself want to go south, you are prepared to sacrifice your soul for to come to the south, then one should not waste each other's time. Then you have to give thanks for what was, for the time and the lessons, for the strengthening of the understanding of where you want to go, and let the person go one step closer to the north, to start going south.
Same thing if you live with someone who says "I think it's good the way we have it." while you desire change in your life together. You want to go south, with it, while it wants to stay where you stand. Then you have to ask yourself: What means the most to me, to stay here where I don't feel like I'm developing, where I feel that my zest for life is slowly dying, to stay because the one I live with, the one I love, doesn't want to leave here , or to ... choose myself? I think the answer here is easy to write (of course not in practice): If you live with someone who loves you, the most important thing for them should be that you feel good, with or without them. So if it's love, if it has love, it goes with you or at least lets you go. If it lives with you because it doesn't want to be alone, for that person's sake and your own... go.
And yes, I forgot: If you answer no to the question of whether you love the person you live with, you are not only a coward who stays, you are also a thief (with emphasis on egoist) who steals someone else's time and slacks off of your own. (Oops!! Did I really write that?!?!! Yes, I did. But as harsh as it sounds, I wrote it out of concern for both of you.)
If you are now reading this and do not understand, I would like to suggest the following:
Read everything again in peace and quiet. As you read, feel if the text arouses anger in you. If it does, you have a large wound that needs your care. (That hurt blinds your eyes and can make you unable to read other people's opinions without coloring them with your own.) And now read "your nursing," don't read "Daniel's nursing." Your wounds, your anger, are your problem. Learn to deal with it and you will have a better life.
If you didn't feel anger, just curiosity and now want to share thoughts/reflections or just ask questions to better understand, you are more than welcome to write to me or comment. I will do my best to respond in time. Always! ❤️
With care,
Daniel Mendoza
